The Emotional Wound Thesaurus Page 4

  Understanding the moving pieces of the character arc and the tug-of-war that ensues within the protagonist is often difficult for writers. (For a visual representation of these elements and how they work together in a change arc, see Appendix B.) There are many different ways to approach this, but the following is an example of the successful psychological journey a character might take when moving from dysfunction, sabotaged esteem, and fear to a mind-set of growth, renewed belief in his own worthiness, and hope.

  THE JOURNEY OF LETTING GO

  At the start of a story, the character is seeking to obtain his goal (outer motivation), which he may be pursuing to either avoid something undesirable or to satisfy a yearning (inner motivation). The pursuit of this objective is difficult or maybe seems impossible. There might be roadblocks in the way and people or forces standing against the character (outer conflict), but the unmet need continues to drive him toward his goal.

  As the story progresses, he gradually gains small insights into the things that are holding him back (inner conflict), what he fears and why (the wound and the lie), and how his habits and biases (emotional shielding) are probably not helping. With these baby steps of self-growth, he learns and matures, adapting to his environment and achieving minor successes that increase his confidence. These successes may be akin to false positives, though, because he hasn’t fully rejected the fear and false beliefs that are causing him damage. Still fearful of emotional pain, a lot of his armor remains in place. He also continues to embrace the lie; he doubts whether he really deserves the goal but is cautiously hopeful things will work out.

  A point will come when he hits an impasse or suffers a significant setback. This is the black moment, his rock bottom. He sees that he can’t win going forward as he has been—that if he wants success, he must examine his position honestly and take a closer look at some of his internal issues. This means he must confront his emotional pain and challenge the lie he believes.

  Depending on the nature of the wounding event, gaining insight can be painful, but it has to be done. The character must eventually awaken to two things. First, he must see his wound in a new light, admitting that it has held him back and kept him from being happy and fulfilled. Then he must view himself differently, in a kinder light, and believe he is worthy of something better and is deserving of happiness.

  This self-awareness will change his view of himself, allowing him to replace his disempowering beliefs of unworthiness with empowering beliefs (that he is worthy, has value, and is capable of achieving change). This new, balanced perspective frees him from any feelings of blame, responsibility, and unworthiness, shattering the lie and replacing it with the truth.

  Refuting the lie and putting the wounding event into perspective enables him to forgive himself (if necessary) and be free of the fear that has steered his actions. It also changes his misconceptions about the world and how it operates. He is no longer held prisoner by fear; instead, he has hope and is infused with determination. Complete, centered, and embracing his true self, he does what is needed to achieve the goal, even if it means making personal sacrifices.

  Let’s return to Paul one last time. His awakening to the truth that he wasn’t to blame for his wife’s rejection frees him on many levels. He no longer feels he must protect himself from the intimacy and depth of loving connections. Recognizing that it is unfair to color every relationship with the fear of rejection and abandonment, he decides to open himself to the possibility of finding love again, believing he deserves the happiness that the right partner will bring.

  Paul also sees that the love between him and his children is unconditional and he needn’t fear losing them when he doesn’t give in to their every whim. Life at work has changed too. He’s able to see people more honestly instead of misreading their motives and actions. As a result, morale and productivity in the office have skyrocketed. Now believing that he’s capable of more, Paul stretches himself to take on new challenges, making him feel fulfilled and actualized.

  Even if the character in your story is able to move past the wound like Paul, he will still feel fear because he will be stepping out over an abyss of the unknown. But because he believes in himself, the character knows what he must do, and he embraces the challenges ahead. Despite the forces that stand between him and his goal, he is ready to move forward by shedding the negative qualities that are holding him back and either adopting new, positive traits or honing forgotten ones. He may in fact be tested by encountering a situation similar to the wounding event. This will trigger the same fear, but his newfound strength and belief in himself allow him to master it instead of being mastered by it.

  Provided your protagonist successfully navigates the change arc and achieves his goal, the wounds of the past won’t disappear. That pain will always sting. The difference is that the character, embracing empowering beliefs, has an inner strength he lacked before that will keep him from allowing the hurt to fester. Moving forward in the face of adversity, he will deploy healthy coping strategies and harness positive qualities to stay centered and on the path to wholeness.

  POSITIVE COPING PRACTICES THAT FACILITATE HEALING

  As you can see, before behavior can shift, a character must want things to be different. Emotional healing begins when a character can change his perspective and see his own value. This is how he starts the process of refuting the lie he has embraced, rejecting disempowering beliefs, and accepting himself for who he is—a work in progress (thereby achieving self-acceptance).

  Once this level of awareness comes about, accountability should follow. The character must recognize how bad habits, poor coping methods, and emotional reactiveness have led to heartache and failure. This shift from negative to positive practices doesn’t happen overnight, and the process will vary from one character to another. Here are some of the ways he or she can vanquish self-defeating behaviors and attitudes to move into the healing portion of the character arc.

  Step 1: Taking Ownership and Envisioning a New Reality

  A critical first step toward positive change involves the character’s willingness to acknowledge that her coping methods to date have done more harm than good. Taking ownership in this way marks a shift in her mind-set, triggering the courage to look within and objectively identify unhealthy patterns that must change. Knowing what problems to target helps lighten the emotional burden so she is able to imagine a future devoid of the pain she currently feels. Visualizing how life can be better helps her chart a course toward a goal that will fill the longing within. Rather than dwell on the negative or be bogged down by past setbacks, the character should instead answer this question: What can I do differently moving forward to bring about this reality?

  Step 2: Creating Small, Achievable Goals

  Failure can lead to bitter disappointment, and fear is often what keeps people from trying again. Once the character is fully on the path of change, her newfound awareness and shifted outlook allow her to resist the lure of fear and, instead, feel hope. But the ground of this new perspective is shaky. To avoid a relapse when disappointment or failure hits, the character should set smaller, achievable goals that lead her toward a larger one. Each victory will increase her self-esteem, empowering her, and even if she encounters minor setbacks, she should be able to power through them. A chain of small successes will help reinforce that this new, happier future and the goals associated with it are possible.

  Step 3: Adopting Good Habits

  Depending on your character’s emotional state and layers of shielding, there may be many bad habits to break. A big part of committing to a new course of action is recognizing these problem areas and making an active choice to replace bad habits with good ones. Showing your character taking better care of her health (by eating properly, getting more sleep, improving her hygiene, and exercising) will let readers know she’s actively trying to improve. A character can also move away from toxic friends and influences to make room for loved ones. Another positive change may involve joining a
group, connecting with nature, reading, journaling, or pursuing a creative outlet. Seeking education and other forms of self-improvement are also good signs that a shift is taking place in the character’s mind.

  Step 4: Packing an Emotional Parachute

  Despite your character’s newfound attitude and determination to achieve better results, setbacks may happen. If she isn’t ready for these, it could be easy for her to fall back into the emotional traps of denial or avoidance. Unless you’re intending to show only a temporary improvement, you don’t want her to revert to past negative coping strategies, such as drinking too much, playing the blame game, or becoming emotionally reactive. And unless your story requires a failed arc, she can’t develop a defeatist attitude and give up. When your character does suffer a disappointment, use one of the following setback survival techniques to show her creating some emotional distance to gain perspective:

  Identify the Downward Spiral. Patterns are hard to break, so when disappointment comes, your character’s self-esteem and self-worth are likely to be impacted. This can quickly turn into a hopeless whirlpool that will drag her emotions into a dark place. If your character recognizes what’s happening before the train of negativity goes too far, she can make an active decision to take back control.

  Focus on the Positive. Instead of your character only dwelling on what went wrong in a situation, show her also looking for what went right. Small successes can be embraced and celebrated, offering perspective. Plus, no matter how awful a setback is, it’s never as bad as it could have been. A character able to recognize that things could have been worse can remain balanced when disappointment comes.

  Take a Time-Out. The character can go for a walk, spend time with a friend or loved one, listen to music, meditate, or participate in a hobby that helps her de-stress and change her outlook. If you choose this strategy, just make sure it doesn’t interfere with the story’s forward momentum. Pacing should always be thoughtfully considered, and every scene should contribute to the forward motion of the story.

  Give Back. If your character is pessimistic about what happened and there’s a risk of her spiraling into old habits, give her an opportunity to do something nice for someone else, such as holding a ladder for a fixer-upper neighbor, helping a little brother with homework, or giving someone a ride. Assisting others or doing a good turn can provide the mental boost that’s needed to get the character back into a positive frame of mind.

  Confide. Sometimes your character just needs a listening ear or a supportive shoulder. Having her reach out instead of shutting down is another way to show she’s dealing with disappointment or failure in a healthy way. Talking with someone about an issue, even if it won’t solve the problem, relieves stress all by itself, because the burden has been shared and the character is no longer bearing it alone.

  Adopt Humor. Another method of coping with adversity and struggle is to keep a sense of humor. Joking about a situation or making light of one’s role in it may diffuse some of the character’s frustration and can promote camaraderie with other members of the story’s cast.

  Step 5. Make a Plan of Action (And Stick to It)

  The character will need to navigate certain steps or stages to best position herself to achieve the overall goal. Have her identify what needs to be done, anticipate potential problems and ways to circumvent them, and then follow through with her plan, even when it gets tough. This commitment will show that she has the goal solidly in her sights. It will also provide her with the ability to make any sacrifices that are necessary to reach her goal.

  THE VILLAIN’S JOURNEY

  As we’ve mentioned, this journey from brokenness to wholeness is common for people in real life and can be applied to any character in your story. But there’s one cast member for whom the process is especially important.

  As the primary source of opposition for the protagonist, the villain (if your story has one) plays a crucial role. He’s the main source of conflict, making the hero’s success that much more difficult to achieve. Sadly, when it comes to character arc, bad guys tend to draw the short straw. How they start the story is often how they end it, with little or no change. Backstory information can be scant or nonexistent; without a clear explanation for his actions, readers are mistakenly led to believe that the villain is simply evil for evil’s sake.

  While revealing little background detail can occasionally result in a truly nightmarish villain (Dolores Umbridge, anyone?), the most compelling and fascinating antagonist usually has an equally compelling and fascinating past. So if a villain figures largely into your story, it’s important, as the author, to unearth those formative backstory moments so you can relay this information in a myriad of ways. Even if you choose to only hint at those details through behavior and action rather than reveal them outright, just knowing them will enable you to create an antagonist who is unique and authentic.

  It’s important to note that even if it is not visible, the villain’s character arc will follow the same pattern as the protagonist’s: the wounding event begets an irrational fear that leads to the formation of emotional armor that results in an unmet need, leaving him unfulfilled. However, the process differs for villains in a few critical ways.

  Living with Unmet Needs

  The first big distinction is that while the protagonist eventually reaches a tipping point where he’s no longer willing to live without his unmet need, the villain doesn’t always get to this place. Why is that?

  One common possibility is that the antagonist once made an attempt to face his wounding experience and that attempt was unsuccessful, reinforcing the same pain he first felt. As a result, he became hardened and unwilling to risk that kind of hurt again.

  Another likelihood is that the villain has never tried to deal with his excruciating trauma; he may recognize that a need is missing, but to him, living without it is better than facing his past pain or risking experiencing it again. So he muffles the gnawing void by pursuing whatever temporarily eases the hurt. This may result in him rejecting his emotions so he feels nothing for himself or anyone else, thereby enabling him to seek revenge (Howard Payne, Speed) or do truly horrific things without remorse (Jigsaw, Saw franchise).

  A final possibility is that the villain’s dysfunctional behavior is personally satisfying to the extent that he’s not willing to give it up. Vices are ultimately destructive, but on a base level they’re enjoyable; for someone who is in denial or is mentally imbalanced, these activities can act as motivators that make it difficult to sacrifice them in favor of lifelong changes for the better.

  Self-Blame

  As we’ve discussed, self-blame is a natural result of the majority of wounding events, even if the character was in no way at fault. The process of working through self-blame is part of the healing journey. It is also the crucible that turns many heroes into villains.

  In the aftermath of trauma, some characters either don’t struggle with guilt or they turn it outward. Whether it’s warranted or not, they blame someone else for what happened, be that an individual, organization, or existing system. Their goal becomes getting back at the responsible party, no matter what it takes.

  Alternatively, many villains start out as good guys trying to come to grips with their pasts, but they’re never able to see the circumstances realistically; they just can’t forgive themselves or accept that they weren’t to blame. Unable to break the lie that binds them, they fall deeper into self-loathing, self-centeredness, and darkness. Their morals shift to accommodate this view of themselves, and they end up pursuing a motivation that won’t fulfill their need.

  Pursuing the Wrong Motivation

  The fulfillment of the unmet need is at the heart of the character’s story goal; he believes that achieving that outer motivation will fill the void, which is why he has chosen to pursue it. In fiction we do see instances of both protagonists and antagonists initially pursuing a false goal, but their paths differ in that protagonists will recognize their mistake and correct the
ir course while antagonists do not.

  Two characters could suffer the same devastating circumstance—say, one of their children dying in a hit-and-run accident. Though they end up with the same missing need of safety and security, depending on the character’s personality, support system, mental state, and a slew of other factors, they could go about filling this need in different ways. One character might pursue a career in law enforcement, seek to change the law regarding drunk-driving offenses, or open a rehab center to make it easier for alcoholics to receive treatment. Goals like these are inherently positive pursuits and make sense for a protagonist seeking security.

  Another character could go a completely different direction: stalking and ultimately murdering his child’s killer or going on an arson spree and burning down bars around town. He thinks that eradicating the responsible person or establishments from his neighborhood will make the world safer. But because the character refuses to work through grief and instead allows fear to dictate his behavior, these goals are ultimately dissatisfying, leading him to commit bigger offenses in a desperate effort to find peace.

  The character’s steps for achieving the story goal are tied to his personal moral code because there are only certain things he’s willing to do. This is often the biggest difference between protagonists and villains; while the hero will stop short when something really challenges his morals, the villain keeps right on charging. His do-not-cross line, if he has one at all, is set much farther back than the protagonist’s, enabling him to do unthinkable things to get what he wants. And the more he wanders from his moral center, the harder it is to find his way back, which virtually ensures that he will never be truly fulfilled and will remain stuck.